Independent Women/ABC Special

Comments

[Kels]

Hi Lewis...I can't say enough about how much this video was needed! I'm a black woman and I was simply appauled at the ABC Special on Black Women that you referred to. You have so many valid points in this video...and some may take it offensive...but those that do are likely the type of women that you're discussing anyway. I think your realness and straight forwardness and not sugar coating the truth about black women today was very much needed. Not only do black women today not understand that they do need a man....they also don't understand their roles in a relationship. In my opinion...when you're in a relationship each person has their roles. Not really taking it back to the old days where the woman gotta be in the kitchen slaving all day...but for instance...I was having a conversation w/ some female friends of mine and I mentioned that when I make dinner for my man...after I'm done cooking I fix our plates. They all started to spazz out...shocked that I fix his plate...saying I'm his slave...saying that they NEVER fix their man's plate...he'd better fix it hisself. Lol...funny thing is one of them has been divorced twice, another her man has cheated several times (I bet the girl he cheated w/ fixed his plate..lol), and the other didn't even have a man. I know that fixing a plate isn't a major things...but it just goes to show how petty and simple minded some women can be. But anyway....I just want to thank you for bringing awareness to the Black Woman. It was and is very much needed. We gotta do better ladies!

[Marie]

I'm so glad that I didn't see the ABC special. The truth is that many of us carry baggage proudly and wear it like a badge of honor. The baggage drags us and makes us too tired to love. We have to work on not being so conditional when it comes to love. We're conditional because of trust issues. The degree doesn't tell a person about you. Degrees don't take love. Just hard work. I work with so many women who are so obsessed with obtaining master's and doctoral degrees that they look like a gerbil on a wheel. I am proud that they are going back to school, but lately it seems that the purpose for obtaining the higher degrees is for bragging rights, "I got a damn ____ degree. I DARE someone to come at me wrong." WTH? It's pathetic. It's not to obtain a dream. But it's all about the benjamins and bragging rights. I've been in several discussions about needs and wants. I truly believe that both men and women have to ask themselves "what are you willing to give aside what you prefer?"

[Holly]

Although his initial question was interesting - his delivery was just as poor as his empty and vague facts. Relationships between black women and black men will not be resolved by attempts at interpreting ill conceived statistics on an issue with more socio-political gain and ramifications than psychosocial healing. I, too, am sick and tired of listening to women (all women - not just black women) sing the "independent - I don't need....," soundtrack; however, it would be more beneficial to start a dialogue that refrains from referring to women as "chicks" and "bitter" in a 10-minute video blog that was more of a rant than an invitation for more discussion let-alone any type of enlightenment. If one would really like to get at the root of the complex disruptions that have taken place in black relationships a good place to start would be Dr. Joy DeGruy's theory on Post Traumatic Slave Syndrome. Furthermore, perhaps instead of getting so defensive at specials like what was shown on ABC use it as starting point to begin a little introspection and take responsibility for individual attitudes and actions that may, in fact, contribute to the attitudes and behaviors that we exhibit towards one another. As it stands now, I'm hardly impressed by this man's knee-jerk reaction to an issue that he recognizes as a media-attempt to capitalize on the dysfunctions in our community while, at the very same time, uses "white women or other races for that matter" as a measuring stick for or example of proper relationships. After all, the last I checked the divorce rate in this country has risen in the last 5-10-15-20 years (comparatively) for all races!

[Renee]

Lewis, I love your blogs. I agree with you partially regarding the ABC special concerning the state of relationships with black women. I believe it was another ploy of the media to make us feel inferior to other nationalities. I also agree that when a person is ready to be married he or she will have no problems finding a spouse. The women featured were indeed very superficial, I wouldn't marry them either.

I believe the number of black men dating outside of our race angers women. It's the final and most hurtful act of rejection. We expect others to reject us but when our own men reject and disrespect us, it's as if you guys are telling the world how to treat us.

But thank God for His love.

[Debra]

Black women need to get over it and grow up. Stop being so damn angry and pathetic! It's ridiculous how they get on the air and talk so miserable. Get a grip and get over it.

[Nikki Reign]

WELCOME BACK!

[Toks]

I was so with you until you said WHITE WOMEN MAKE BETTER WIVES. Im sorry that is wrong and then you went further to say ALL OTHER RACES TOO..?! You cannot say that, yes you mentioned the statistics and yes 52% of black women have never been married but that does not mean that they do not make good wives. I am a young black female who is currently single and independent, however this does not mean that i am bitter or angry towards men i am just waiting on the right one. Everything else was good but I do not think that comment you made was any better than the Black Girl Curse the other woman mentioned. I am really saddened by that, we get enough bad publicity as it is.

[Mustafa]

I feel you. Brother.

Having high standards are cool, but too many physical preferences are just Unnecessary. and a "Good Man" doesn't always fall in that package.

IMO they're so bent up on having a the man of there dreams, til they miss out on him in reality

As a Man, I have a kind of woman I desire, but I know that I'm not in place to pursue that kind of woman . therefore I have to take care of my life prior to getting a decent enough woman. whether she fits my standard or not.

[Markie]

Hey man nice topic, you really made me laugh my ass off. Now i can see you were really angry at that special i myself thought it was not necessary, but try to go easy next time calm down before because i know you have stepped on a lot of toes and a lot of people are very mad at you right now but before they start cussing let me just say a word to them. The guy records this video not as a bash on black women but because he cares, i know some of you have considered a few of his lines a low blow but look on the bright side, He Cares and he shows it. I love your videos keep them coming.

[Pleshette]

This is so true, the special really didn't have any solutions at all, a total waste of time. I personally stopped using that "I don't need a man" mentality in my late 20's. I need and want a man and I used to have a list of the "perfect" man for me but as I've gotten older I've realized that it was bs. It stung a little when you said white women make better wives but like the saying says, "truth hurts" and it is a true fact. If we as black women would stop trying to change men and leave these unrealistic expectations at the door we wouldn't be alone. Thanks for always keeping it real.

[Lisa McRae]

Well and enought said!!! Boom...there it is!!!! I needed to hear this!!

[Sha]

Welcome back!!! And as always, you speak the truth and keep it real!!!

[Me]

I usually watch you and read your blogs. I'm familiar with your work. I see the points you were trying to make. My problem with what you said is " White woman make better wives". How would you know that? You don't have a white wife at this time. I like you because you stick to the facts usually and you stick to the bible. I can appreciate that. I know good wives of all races including black women. You failed to mention the fact that the number of black men available to date black women is much lower than most other races. If you start talking numbers lets first start with that. I can appreciate your other points. Keep doing you. Be blessed.

[Alex]

I blogged this last year, and it seems to go with the topic here. I just wanted to share: Its just how I feel.... Aug 13, 09 ....F*ck D Child & the rest these so called Independent women out here!! Y'all making hard 4 the the Real sistas out here!! Yes, I do want ur $! ..... Yes I did tweet that the other day!!! And, I did bcuz I just had to say it. There are some women out here that try to make it seem like they do it all for themselves, and that they dont a man to do anything for them. Thats good, but not exactly the TRUTH?? Take me for example; I do what I have to do for myself bcuz if I dont no one else will. I dont have a brother in my life to take care of me. And, thats ok, but for me to say that I DONT NEED A MAN, is wrong on soooo many levels. Not only do I need a man, I want one also!!! Bottom line. I am "Miss Independent" cuz I dont have anyone in my life right now, but if a man came along and wanted to look out for me, and make sure that I was str8, then "Miss Indepenent" would relinquish some of that power soooo fast, that dude head would spin!!!! LOL. Seriously, we have to stop making it seem like a man cant do nothing for us but, have sex with us and pay for the occasional dinner. The sooner we stop lying to ourselves, the sooner these brothers out here can go back to being the "REAL" men that we complain and say are not out here. Give them a chance to step up and be the providers that we DO need, and then can we begin to have the family units of old. Our sons and daughters can have both mother and father at home showing them how it is to be done!!! Sistas, if we dont get off this "I DONT NEED NOBODY BUT MYSELF" kick, we will continue to loose our brothers to everyone else. See, they realized that they DO need them, want them, and will do whatever it takes to have and keep them!!! Me, I need and want a good man, and will do whatever it takes to keep him when he comes my way. What about you????

[me]

Preach. All that said on television for others, including young black girls and women to hear. Bitter bitter, bitter, killing your race slowly. I am a black women and appreciate how you point out the women interviewed are basically stuck up so hard no one will be able to reach em.

[Noreen]

What is the black girl curse? I'm sorry, I really do not know.

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[Tamieka M.]

While I Do Not have an issue with you expressing your opinion, I don't agree with all of your views. It is my belief that AS A WHOLE, that "The ENTIRE Family Structure (Household) has completely shifted". When I state that "We Don't Need A Man", I'm Refering to the "Shiftless, Good For Nothing, Want to Keep Me Down, EXTREMELY Jealous of my Ambition & Success, Whorish" Kind of Man. While I have never experienced dating outside of my race, I AM TRULY TROUBLED by the way we as Black Women are being removed from the Equation. At the End of the Day, BLACK MEN have always carried hatred in their hearts towards us, Not to Mention How we are being perceived. I look at all of the TV Sitcoms out now & you see Women of "Other Races", White Men, & Black Men. We Are completely swept "Under the Rug", Torn Down By Many, Then told that "We Are Not Good Enough To Be Your Wives?" In your eyes, We are only Good as our Backside & sexual Tricks. While You Are Failing To Mention The MANY MANY Households we Run by Black SINGLE MOTHERS with Absolutely NO HELP from MEN. We as Single Black Woman Have TRULY SACRIFICED Ourselves in hopes of paving the way to a better tommorow for our Children.

WHAT TROUBLES ME MOST is that at the End of it all, NO ONE EVER SAYS THANK YOU To Us For ALL THAT WE HAVE DONE To save our people. WHEN ITS ME AGAINST THIS WORLD FIGHTING & CLAWING MY WAY THROUGH THIS LIFE for Me & Mine...... PLEASE EXCUSE THE HECK OUTTA ME IF I BECAME HARDENED IN THE PROCESS IN ORDER TO SURVIVE & NOT GET EATEN ALIVE! {Not yelling, you don't have a Bold option =o) } I believe it is truly unfair to judge us in that way when I can safely say That "WE are like a That Cat that you back into a corner.....WE COME OUT Clawing & Fighting to the Core". Other Women of other races make the "BETTER" Wife because they have never even experienced (a portion) of what we've had to endure Our Entire Life. So, Give Us A Break..... Afterall, the state that we are in has LITERALLY been implanted in us From a few hundred years back, & it is STILL in Our System... both BLACK MEN & BLACK WOMEN!

I Respectfully Disagree With you & your view of us, (I'm Not going to Kiss Your Ass! as you stated in the video...) lol. Truthfully, I am VERY HURT TO MY CORE that we are forced to be strong & that we are perceived in this NEGATIVE LIGHT. Becoming Successful is our way of Fighting against the odds of being a Complete Failure as we strive to survive in this life. I Know That Man's Natural Role is "HEAD OF THE HOUSEHOLD". I will be so glad to turn over the controls.... I However, will not JUST SUBMIT TO JUST ANYBODY....I Will truly make sure that We are worthy of each other....
Peace to you Brother, I am truly cheering for you & your success because to me "Its all about Moving Forward, & embracing a Positive Cipher". As a whole, you are stepping up & your voice is truly appreciated.

Tamieka

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[Vertelle Marie]

This is by far one of the best video you've made! Black women overall do have a lot of issues ... We have to start with ourselves and then and only then can we teach other women both young and old to break these terrible habits and cycles.

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[Angelica D]

Im glad that this message is not represenative of ALL black women.Also I dont think any other color makes a better wife -I think its on the individual woman-and I will agree that women of other races are more adept in the necessary areas to make a marriage a success -I know black women struggle with submission and other things and need to deal with it-that however is a discussion they have to have with themselves and God.Other than that- I 200% agree we do need our men!!!!! and I have NO SHAME in saying it.
-waiting &working on me